empty

Sometimes I feel empty, like I don't even live, my heart hardly beats to be considered being alive. People try and go out with me but no one seems like how I wish to have them be. All they want is sexual favors then never talk to me again. I don't want that, I want someone to love me, but no one wants that anymore. There is one person that I do like but I don't think he likes me, we've known each other for years yet I feel like I'm the one with the crush and he just want me for sexual favors. I hate how I'm always used and never loved, is it so hard to ask for something small as for love, to be loved for myself alone, not looks, I don't want to be hurt anymore but it seems like that's how it will be for the rest of my life.

past pain

Those who know me, don't know my past. People call me different, that's who I am, I was raised differently than to those born with a silver spoon in their mouths. I grew up in a trailer park to the age of eight, to be thrusted into a big house. Parents no longer loving one another but still love me, even though I felt invisible, at so many schools that I wasn't taught properly, only one best friend and a few more who keep in contact. To be teased all my years in the new house till I graduated. All because I was different, no one understands my hurt, my pain, my crushed dreams. no one understood what I went thru the past three in q half years, other then myself, no matter what people say an try to make me better feeling, it won't change my past. I am who I am, and what I went thru no one should have gone thru. No one understands my hurt an no one needs my life, I went thru it alone yet life still hurts me in my heart. Those who do what they did to me get everything their hearts desire while what I wish is kept in the dark...

pain

Those who think everything is ok...its not...nobody knows my true feelings about what goes on in my life I don't really want to talk about it but I'm here I feel like that can let it out and let others know how to deal with that everyday I'm scared that one day my life can be changed so quickly I went to the worst thing possible in my mind tire life and I would never recommend it someone I was beaten I was raped and I was home asleep in 3 years I had a chance to be home but every single time that anything happened it was always wrong my family would take other people's side and not listen to what they should be doing every single day I hated that part I wanted to family to understand my side instead listening to everybody else to do what they want what they need to do is be off their ideas they want to say something they should say its not have other people tell me what to do every single day it kills me from past 3 years nobody with the situation the only person I would listen to me with my own mother and she's way too far away from me and every day ever since then I've been dying to go back to the hate being away from you I'm glad that now that I can start all over what I mean the stars are there no matter what I can't get rid of them a part of my life no matter what I can do and I always stick with me either physically emotionally or mentally it's going to be there no matter what and I'll have constant reminders what my life and there's nothing I can do about it everyday I have bad feelings everyday I have depression and I can't get that out of my life well stay with me people say well try medication and it doesn't really work because all it does hide the pain doesn't take it away such thing some days I just want to be left alone I cannot do that get a chance to be alone by myself what the hell I don't feel like I'm facing single day read AI feel that something bad happened to me I don't want that I feel like it will I want to take that pain away and there is one guy that can but we're so far away from each other its hard and all I wanna do is just be near him but every single time I wanted to me hello want to meet him something happens and we just never get anything right don't know what to do anymore every night I have trouble sleeping because all the hell of a time when I'm trying to sleep all the bad memories come up and everytime I want to sleep I just did it just end up making me cry myself to sleep every night nobody understands what the pain I go through every single day and I just want people to know that sometimes it pain its painful to go for a day but we eventually do make it through the day